Musings on the parenting of two

I've been a lazy blogger lately--just posting pics of the kids and that's it. I know that's what the majority of my readers want though. It keeps the hecklers at bay. The thing is, I have lots to say but just no time to write it. Ninety nine percent of the time, I'm typing one-handed, as I've got an infant in the other. I'm pretty proficient at the one-handed typing, but it doesn't allow for capitalized letters or proper punctuation, so I'm refraining from doing a one-handed blog post because I have standards.

Currently, the toddler is down for a nap and the infant is snoozing (although he's grunting and cringing, which means that my time is limited) in the swing, so I've found myself all caught up on celebrity gossip; have emailed back all of my neglected friends who religiously send me emails that require a response ("How are you? Please write back so that I'll know your children haven't eaten you") and posted a plea on the mom's group classified section to purchase a pre-owned exersaucer (Anna used her exersaucer as a bouncer and cracked the plastic so badly that a whole bottle of Gorilla Glue couldn't fix it. The company who makes it doesn't sell replacement parts either, so it's currently up in our attic, where our raccoon family {that's a blog for another day} is playing with it).

Yesterday, I corresponded briefly, via email, with a mom that I know from the mom's group. She's pregnant with her second child and has a little boy, a couple of months older than Anna. She asked me if having a second baby is easier. I tried to lie to her, but couldn't, (in good faith) do that. The truth is, it's hard. Exponentially harder. You'd think that it would only be a little harder because infants don't do much. They sleep, they eat...that should give you ample time to parent your toddler still. In theory, that makes sense--in practice, it's hogwash. The thing that I forgot about with infants is that they like to be held. Hell, they pretty much demand to be held. All.The.Time. Jack is a good baby. He's very snuggly and sweet. He promptly falls asleep, while being rocked. I typically rock him for about 20 min (or however long an episode of Dora the Explorer is) and then go and put him in his crib. As soon as his back hits the mattress....BOING, his eyes pop open like a baby doll's. If you leave him there, in the hopes that he'll fall back asleep, you'll be setting yourself up for failure of epic proportions because he'll begin kicking and flailing about until he's 100% awake and 150% pissed. Occasionally, the swing works--like today--but it's not foolproof either. Compounding that is that big sister likes to "help swing" and oftentimes goes up behind the swing and pushes it. So, in order to keep the infant content, I find myself holding him all day long, while parenting Anna one-handed. It's not ideal but it's all I can think to do most of the time.

When I was pregnant with Jack and would see other moms at the park, carrying an infant and chasing a toddler, I'd often ask them, "How is it?". For the most part, they'd smile sleepily and say something like, "There are good days and bad days...". One mother in particular told me, {and I quote} "It's HORRIBLE". That scared me senseless. Now that I'm living that life, I can honestly say...some days really are "horrible". I'm not going to lie and I probably just caught her on one of those "horrible" days. The thing is though that the horrible days are few and far between and aren't at all entirely horrible. Actually, there are brief moments of horrible often...everyday, at some point, there's probably a minute or two of horrible. Case in point: Anna pitching a fit when I pick her up from school and demanding to be carried to the car--which is impossible while pushing a heavy stroller with an infant carrier attached. Also horrible: Jack spitting up formula all over me and, most importantly, down my cleavage while the phone is ringing off the hook and Anna is squealing while chasing the cats around the house.

Also though, there are many moments that are downright awesome. Every time I successfully venture out of the house with both kids (meaning, that I haven't forgotten anyone at home) and we don't cause a scene, I chalk up to a success. The fact that Jack slept for 5 hours straight--in his own room last night is awesome. Listening to Anna, in her room, singing the ABC song (she's supposed to be asleep but as long as she's quiet and content, I'm not complaining) and playing with her toy kitchen is awesome.

What I've learned from the last 2 months:

• I have to be mega, anally-retentively organized to stay sane. For instance, the nights before Anna has school, after cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, I go ahead and make her lunch for the next day, pour her morning milk into a cup to sit in the fridge until morning (sounds silly, but saving 30 seconds on a busy morning is a luxury sometimes); make myself a bottle of water and stick it in the fridge too, so that I can grab it before leaving to take her to school--essentially do as much as I can, the night before, to make for a smooth morning.
  

• On that same tangent, a trick that we learned when Anna was an infant: Before bed each night we pack a cooler with all of the bottles of formula that we'll need for the night and take it with us back to our bedroom. We also have ample diapers, wipes, Nose Goblin sucker, a change of clothes and plenty of blankets and burp towels in the bedroom with us (as is the baby, for now) so that we don't have to traipse all through the house when we're up with the baby in the middle of the night. This helps not to disturb Anna and also makes it a little easier to get up with the baby and also to get back to sleep after having been up with the baby.

• I have to keep my house somewhat clean or I will lose my ever-loving mind. This means that I do at least one load of laundry a day--because the thought of spending an entire day on Saturday or Sunday doing load after load of the week's laundry makes me ill. I try to clean as I go in the kitchen and bathrooms, make our beds daily--even if that doesn't happen until 5pm, empty the dishwasher (which we run every night--no matter how small the load--and make sure to put whatever bottles are currently dirty in, so that I have a few less bottles to hand-wash)...you get the idea. Just simple, daily maintenance that really does take me all damn day to get done, but saves my sanity.
  

• Convenience foods are not evil. I used to shun food that just seemed too easy because I knew how unhealthy they can be. I've discovered Bird's Eye Steamfresh frozen vegetables and more recently the Steamfresh Meals For Two. The Meals For Two really do feed two adults plus a picky toddler (who won't eat any at all and then one of the parents gets to polish it off anyway). I usually make a big salad to go along with it and it's a darn good dinner--especially given the lack of effort it takes to make.

• I shower at night and wash, dry and style my hair before bed too. This means that, if I don't get a chance to do it in the morning (which, I won't) then I don't look too beat up and homeless--which does not help one's post partum self esteem. This is not to say that I look awesome during the day, but I also don't look too greasy and miserable.
  

So, in a nutshell, while it's not easy, and it's very seldom pretty--I'm doing it. I'm totally pulling off this mother of two thing (and, to all of you mothers of 3, holy swizzle sticks! You're rockstars! And kind of crazy.). Is my toddler totally stimulated every minute of every day with fun crafts, activities and other learning opportunities? Probably not. Is my infant thriving in an environment of blissful lullabies, gentle massage and breastmilk only? Nope. Are my children both alive and am I not crouched in the corner, drooling, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth? Mostly.

Like I told the mom who's about to have her second in a few months--it's not totally horrible and every day you find your footing a little more--you accomplish another once-scary thing about parenthood and you chalk up every thing that happens--good and bad--to experience.